Monthly Archive for October, 2006
SO excited for this trip.
It’s hard to tell someone what he said and have it make an impact. He certainly has a way of storytelling that is simple and engaging at the same time.
“Everything we do is based on agreements we have made - agreements with ourselves, with other people, with God, with life. But the most important agreements are the ones we make with ourselves. In these agreements we tell ourselves who we are, how to behave, what is possible, what is impossible. One single agreement is not such a problem, but we have many agreements that come from fear, deplete our energy, and diminish our self-worth.”
I believe the impact it had on me was magnified when he asked what our biggest problem is as human beings. In my mind I was reminded of when Ishmael talks about humans believing they are flawed (”I’m only human…”) and that it is this excuse we use for choices we make in our lives. This is exactly what Ruiz said is our problem. That what we are raised on is based on lies.
It is amazing how earthshattering Ishmael was, and still is, for me. My self is finally shaping now that I’ve read it. I felt lost my whole life and it’s like that one little book made me found. It’s what I do with that knowledge that defines the paths I take in the future and as sad as I am that Mother Culture has us in this strangle hold of deception, I have hope that I can live a life breaking down those lies and making better decisions for myself.
It could only lead to happiness and contentment. :)
(And then, perhaps, I could stop thinking like this.)
[14:29] transform: oh dang!
[14:29] transform: that thing is neat
[14:29] frekur: i hate loving items.
[14:29] transform: hahahahaha
We have this crazy history. And I think the two of us have grown SO much since we first met each other. How did we meet you ask? Let’s take a trip down memory lane…
Back in ‘99… (oh here we go), I was what you’d call a raver. (Ugh, it gives me the chills just to think it.) And I was in this shit of a relationship that was really really really bad. I ended up with my boyfriend at the time at a party in DC rmfo and having a cigarette outside. This girl and I started talking and realized that we both lived pretty close to one another up in PA. She told me about her son and I think I remember offering to babysit, although that was inappropriate because I didn’t even know her. Blame it on the white elephants. :)
She invited me to a party two months later and that was the next time I saw her. At that party, I actually met everyone I now consider my “PA friends”. I later found out that that was the first time most of the people at the party had met her.
After that crappy relationship I had, she helped me realize how badly it affected me by taking some actions that really hurt. I didn’t get it until months later and after much bitterness, but now I understand and it was the best thing anyone did for me. Seriously. Of all the girlfriends I ever had she’s been the one that affected me most positively. And I get the sense that she appreciates me as much as I do her.
I just find it so interesting how things seem when you look at them from a few years away.
Since then I’ve admired her for, among other things, being a single mother. I’m not one who really adores children, but the struggles I’ve seen her endure really make her one of my heroes. Nowadays she’s fixing up a house, consuming consciously, and just generally being awesome.
The best part is, she admires me too (or so she says… and for what I can’t figure out) which makes me think I must be doing something right. :)
Yea, she’s just so amazing, positive and motivating. So this weekend I will attach myself to her leg and be merry.
I tried calling the landlord yesterday to see how she felt about any changes to the lease. Big mistake, to say the least. Her responses are always unexpected and leave me shaking with fury and confusion such that I hurry to get off the phone without fully explaining myself. So I’m tied up in this lie of a story with her right now that I will lie again to get out of later this afternoon.
She really intimidates me. And I’m so not good at lying. Or, I simply dislike lying, is more accurate.
Right after that misery, someone from the company that does the backend work on Trex.com called me. They want to collaborate with me and partner up for the Trex website overhaul that will start next year; Trex is sending out an RFP shortly. I got real excited about this. :)
THEN, I got taken out for sushi. Jess and I had a nice night last night just continuing to talk very honestly about each other and how things are going to change between us. Frankly, I’m not too sad right now. I’m happy that things are changing; I think it’s good for the both of us. And we’ve kind of promised each other to remain friends and hang out while I still live in the area. So although March can’t come soon enough, I feel ok about the time that I have left here. I no longer feel that lonely feeling… and I think it’s because I know I’m not losing him as the friend that I always had. That’s the part that scared the shit out of me.
And the best thing that happened yesterday? I booked a flight to Portland for my birthday weekend. Yay!
