Monthly Archive for October, 2006

i’m back

I’ve returned from Arizona and I kept a journal while out there. I have a lot to write about but I can’t get to it yet. For now, enjoy my pics here and here.

when you’re there, i sleep lengthwise…

I broke both our hearts. Why can’t I just maintain a healthy sexual interest in someone? Why is it so hard?

The worst part of all this? He’s hurting and I can no longer comfort him.

It’s all I ever wanted to do for him.

heal me

Looks like I’m attending this conference with m and j when I get back from my trip.

Also, Environmental Defense called me in for a second meeting. ;-)

bossMAN

My supervisor at work is a good friend. Today he told me of this book.

“The Tao Te Ching, the esoteric but infinitely practical book written most probably in the sixth century B.C. by Lao Tsu, has been translated more frequently than any work except the Bible. This translation of the Chinese classic, which was first published twenty-five years ago, has sold more copies than any of the others. It offers the essence of each word and makes Lao Tsu’s teaching immediate and alive. The philosophy of Lao Tsu is simple: Accept what is in front of you without wanting the situation to be other than it is. Study the natural order of things and work with it rather than against it, for to try to change what is only sets up resistance. Nature provides everything without requiring payment or thanks, and also provides for all without discrimination - therefore let us present the same face to everyone and treat all men as equals, however they may behave. If we watch carefully, we will see that work proceeds more quickly and easily if we stop “trying,” if we stop putting in so much extra effort, if we stop looking for results. In the clarity of a still and open mind, truth will be reflected. We will come to appreciate the original meaning of the word “understand,” which means “to stand under.” We serve whatever or whoever stands before us, without any thought for ourselves. Te - which may be translated as “virtue, or “strength” - lies always in Tao, or “natural law.” In other words: Simply be.”

worry at a new level

I worry about what happens after my trip. It’s going to be lonely, desolate, cold and scary. Projection is bad, I know, cause you never know what is going to happen and if I could just make the best of it then I should be ok, no?

Reading j’s blog makes me feel like this is possible. But goddamn I wish I could turn my brain off and stop this relentless pukey feeling I carry all day.

vacationitis

Things I’m looking forward to on my trip:

  1. Montezuma’s Castle
  2. seeing the stars in the desert
  3. visiting not-often-seen friends
  4. flying alone
  5. being in the sun
  6. attempting to relax
  7. reflection
  8. breathing the desert air
  9. the ocean
  10. escaping myself while exploring myself