I thought: “How is that different from any other day?”
Monthly Archive for November, 2006
He said: “Wow you’re not going to be very productive the day you come back from your trip…”
I was just really honest with someone.
Moreso, I was honest with myself. This makes me happier than the first thing.
Giving thanks is hard sometimes. I am grateful Jess and I are still close, but I feel like I don’t deserve the closeness.
I spent the evening with family first and then friends later. It was weird seeing him with our friends because it’s the first time we were at the same place together and not arriving as a couple. I didn’t think I’d be weird about it but I guess feelings can creep up when you least expect them to.
There aren’t many things that I miss from PA. The ones that I do are a result of how I’ve changed and grown since I’ve left. One of the only things I’ve taken with me is a feeling of wishing with every bone in my body to be somewhere else, as someone else. And it seems to me that this feeling is what ultimately ruined my relationship with Jess.
In the past few weeks, I have been feeling a little numb about things that I should be crying about, and crying about things I should be numb about. It is with true relief that I am making this move. Because nothing has ever bothered me more than dreaming about a life that I’m not living. Hopefully the move will get me where I want to be. And if not?
I’ll keep trying.
Yea some nights I just don’t want to be alone in my bed.
Like tonight.
So really. I’m moving 2,800 miles away. There’s a bunch of things that are going to go into this move… but sometimes I forget about the best part; the drive across the country.
So I’m starting a massive playlist for my drive west next year. The first song that I placed in it was “Jump” by Madonna. It’s so fitting, and so empowering.
There’s only so much you can learn in one place
The more that I wait, the more time that I wasteI haven’t got much time to waste
It’s time to make my way
I’m not afraid of what I’ll face
But I’m afraid to stay
I’m going down my own road and I can make it alone
I’ll work and I’ll fight till I find a place of my ownAre you ready to jump
Get ready to jump
Don’t ever look back oh baby
Yes, I’m ready to jump
Just take my hand
Get ready to jumpWe learned our lesson from the start
My sisters and me
The only thing you can depend on
Is your family
Life’s gonna drop you down like a limb from a tree
It sways and it swings and it bends until it makes you seeAre you ready to jump
Get ready to jump
Don’t ever look back oh baby
Yes, I’m ready to jump
Just take my hand
Get ready to jumpAre you ready?
There’s only so much you can learn in one place
The more that you wait
The more time that you wasteI’ll work and I’ll fight till I find a place of my own
It sways and it swings and it bends until you make it your own
I can make it alone
For when I need one.
