2006 November Archive at /frekur/blog/

Monthly Archive for November, 2006

no babies part 2

A few days ago, I posted a little about how I feel regarding children and me having any. Let me further clarify why I’m *not* interested in having them: Because I don’t want what they have ruined for them by someone else.

Really, all I need to do is take a look at my coworker. This guy is very nice. Has two of the cutest kids I’ve ever seen… and that says a lot… coming from me.

But quite honestly? No matter what he tells me about how much he loves them or cares about them, I will not believe it. This is because there is no seeing the bigger picture with him. At work, I have a recycle bin at my cube because all day long people are *throwing away* aluminum cans. I can’t tell you how out of date this is. Are we in 1982? No. You recycle that shit. I will help you. I will personally TAKE the recycling to my condo’s recycle bins. I don’t mind. What I *do* care about is my coworker’s careless, thoughtless gesture of throwing out cans *still*.

(Styrofoam? Come on people.)

How can you say that you care for your children when you’re leaving them a planet in this state? You’re not even recognizing the problem when it is screaming at you in the face. Is it really that hard to take those small steps?

It’s not just him. My whole damn office is like this. And generally speaking, the problem is so widespread and I live in a subtle dark cloud of negativity and bitterness because of it.

So yes, I’m sure raising children is very fulfilling and rewarding, but I would hate to do it when others are leaving behind this crap for *their* kids. (Wouldn’t I feel so guilty?!) I don’t want my kids growing up with the problem. I don’t want to be in this minority for them. I’d rather my womb just remain barren and deal with the issues for myself. Does that make any sense?

I have very little faith in people to improve the situation. There are others in my life that have a more positive outlook, but I can’t seem to obtain that level of optimism. Maybe it’s a personality flaw.

But I doubt it.

(Yes, I can be judgmental. But it’s real hard for me to see the other side anymore.)

Published

frekur

on November 20, 2006

in complaining and green living

. 1 Comment

weekend

In the morning on Saturday Jess and I went downtown to American Apparel, H&M, and the Eco-Green Living store, which was surprisingly small. Unfortunately, all the yarns had animal hair in them (I’m still confused by this…). I did, however, buy some handmade knitting needles.

Saturday night’s date could have gone a lot better, I think. (Perhaps by not going?) I can’t believe I managed to panic for the latter half of it. Usually, I’m ok in these situations. But, I guess that’s the sort of thing that can happen (to me) when in an uncomfortable scenario. It wasn’t *terrible* (cause he never knew that I *was* panicking), but I just thought that there could be nothing better than me crawling into bed, and not being out with someone who makes me nervous. I ended up coming home and laying in bed with my mind telling me, “I’m so not ready to be dating…” over and over and over.

Eh.

Sunday, though, I attended the vegan cooking class and it was excellent. My only complaint about the 3-hour session was that she was trying to cram too much into it, which left me feeling overwhelmed. The main course was a seitan and stuffing stuffed tofu loaf which was surprisingly easy to make (it seemed) and *very* delicious. I have all the recipes she wrote at home and will post them here later.

After the class I felt more motivated to go back to veganism. Right now, I am about halfway there anyway. When I grocery shop, everything I purchase is organic and dairy-free; it’s when I go out to eat that I slip.

Yesterday afternoon/evening I moved my table, decks and record crates into the living room. I set it up so that I can just set my laptop on the table and play music through iTunes and out the speakers. Then I spent some time cleaning while listening to music and it really improved the dynamic of the room. Of course, now it’s bothering me that the office is nearly empty.

The table is sort of caving in from the weight of the turntables, so I ordered 8 of these:

I think after the cubes are set up the room is going to look way more organized. I’ll take pictures when it’s all done. :)

Published

frekur

on November 20, 2006

in green living, learning, relationships and veg*nism

. 4 Comments

i don’t even know

All I managed to do for the past 4 hours is have one nice long panic attack.

Published

frekur

on November 19, 2006

in complaining

. 0 Comments

ahhhh!

Shit shit SHIT!

Pete Tong, 24th of November in New York?!

Do I make the trek up to see him?

Published

frekur

on November 18, 2006

in dj

. 1 Comment

no babies

I’m adamant about not having children. I’ve been this way for a few years now. Realizing how our population expansion is out of control, I believe even more that if I ever wanted to raise a child, it’d be better to adopt.

Yesterday on my way to work, as usual, I was listening to NPR and the StoryCorps segments always get me. This one in particular had me in tears though. Two daughters were interviewing their dad who’d recently been diagnosed with early Alzheimer’s disease. He was unable to remember how he’d met their mother.

The daughters told their dad how much they appreciated being raised by him and their mom. For some reason I actually had the urge to feel that. To get that sense of appreciation from a child I had raised. A child that was mine. (Don’t tell my mother.)

I thought of m. Sometimes I envy what she has with her son, even when I never want to admit it.

Published

frekur

on November 18, 2006

in self-awareness

. 4 Comments