Category Archive for ‘learning’ at /frekur/blog/

Archive for the 'learning' Category

fork in the road

I have chosen to let go.

(My first week of unlimited yoga is complete, as of yesterday.)

I am not sure what’s happening to me, but I feel free. I don’t know whether to attribute it solely to the yoga practice, the ever-growing closeness I continue to have with the BG, learning about new people through making friends, or my recent decision to keep my head up and positive on all fronts.

It is an immense improvement.

After spending a few weeks in a battle with myself, feeling insecure and acting ridiculous, analyzing what I am doing, where I am headed, the distance between the BG and I, my job, my living situation, and leaving Portland — all culminating in a self-rendered state of overwhelming despair… Suddenly, I have let go.

Sometimes I *really* surprise myself.

The subtle guilt from being sedentary is absolutely gone. Between riding my bike daily, and now committing to yoga (I now attend classes five days per week), I wonder why in the hell I’ve waited so long to integrate these activities into my life. It is very easy, now that I don’t drive, to achieve them, that’s for sure. But it also helps to have a ~~coworker~~ friend who has recently committed to the same activities as well.

Kris works with me in the office next door and has been doing yoga for about ten years, and has also recently begun to commute by bicycle. She is incredible, both at yoga, and as a support for me beginning my practice. I have a terrible habit of giving a shit of what others think of me, and she has a nice way of reminding me to keep it under wraps; it’s not what yoga is about.

After practicing for two weeks, intensely for these past seven days, I’ve come to understand that everyone performs yoga in a unique way. The practice itself is as flexible as the body becomes with time, and holding onto expectations will do nothing but hinder my progression.

The other night in class I did a head stand for the first time, and I did not need the wall. It wasn’t held for very long, but it made me feel a little fearless. ;)

It is amazing what my body can do, without my mind holding it back.

Even though I miss the BG very much, and think about him all the time, I have decided to make the absolute most of my final months in Portland. I’ve surrounded myself with wonderful people, am involved in fun and challenging activities and I have nothing to complain about or over analyze.

I’m beginning to learn that feeling satisfied and happy with my life actually takes work, that it doesn’t just appear.

I feel awesome, and it is of my own doing.

Yayyyyyyy… (It’s like I’m learning or some shit. Hehe.)

Published

frekur

on September 20, 2007

in bicycling, happiness, learning, self-awareness and yoga

. 3 Comments

childlike things

Dewd.

I’ve been wanting to do a cartwheel for like three months. I don’t remember the last time I did one, but it’s been at least fifteen years.

Today I did it, and it was exactly how I remember it. After a few attempts, I had Angelko make a video for me. My last leg bends when I come down to land. No good. I’ll practice and post updates on the progression. :)

Published

frekur

on September 18, 2007

in happiness and learning

. 2 Comments

yoga

I’ve begun a week-long extensive yoga practice at Yoga Bhoga with my coworker Kris.

My first class was last night (I’ve been the studio before, but this is the first class of what I plan on being a steady study of yoga) and it kicked my ass.

I… I love it. I used to cringe at the idea of exercising, but man, it’s really been keeping me together lately. Riding the bike, yoga, walking everywhere. It’s not enough to do this once or twice a week.

The idea of “centering” myself was realized last night in class. I know of the concept but not sure that home practice alone achieves it. The instructor and the studio are perfect for me; I need to have a guide (at least in the beginning) to keep my mind from wandering too far, and the surrounding students as an energetic support system.

I’m going tonight, and everyday next week as well. My budget might shift a bit in the direction of going out less, doing yoga more. It has better long-term effects for me.

:) :) :)

Published

frekur

on September 14, 2007

in learning and yoga

. 1 Comment

reading

“What book has impacted you the most?” asked my new friend Graham

I definitely didn’t think of myself as a reader before moving to Portland. That is because when I read I am looking for the words to have a profound effect on me. (This means I get bored with a lot of books.) I have read some fiction that has captured my attention very well, but for the most part I enjoy reading about concepts that I can apply to improving my everyday life. Concepts that will improve how I view myself, my relationships, the people I love and the world in which we all exist. (All things I now believe to be the most important things in life.)

I’ve put aside Jupiter’s Travels for a bit. I’m about halfway through it, which is a feat for me because it’s a 450 page book (a quantity I find daunting). I will definitely come back to it, and stopped a good spot; he’s on a boat with his motorcycle traveling from Africa to South America.

When I was at the hot springs last week I saw, in the gift shop, a book called Beyond Fear: A Toltec Guide to Freedom and Joy. I didn’t realize it then but it’s not actually wholly written by Miguel Ruiz; it is about his teachings and is recorded by an author who has followed him for quite some time.

I am not far into it, but have already been penetrated by the idea that certain things are only unlearnable because we believe (dream) them to be. If The Four Agreements taught me anything, it is that everything we “dream” is not truth. Truth comes from the spirit that is the “us” before domestication. But how does one obtain knowledge of who they really are before domestication? It is not as if we consciously remember back that far… (It is the “dream” that is in the way.)

The Mastery of Transformation, which I believe to be a student of right now, is where one gains control over one’s emotions. It is my hope that I will retain a broader perspective of who I am and learn how I fit into the puzzle of humanity, instead of dwelling in the turmoil my mind has been trained to maintain over roughly twenty years of living (the years post-domestication). Of all the thoughts I’ve had lately about massive change I can make to my life (Peace Corps, moving to Raleigh, traveling), really the most important one is this.

When Graham asked me the other night what book impacted me most, I replied that it was Ishmael. Jesse handed me the book four years ago, and I had absolutely no idea what I would learn. When I completed the book I realized several things. One, that I had been waiting for a transformation of this magnitude my whole life up until that point, I just needed a push in the right direction. Two, that I now understand the existence of a bigger picture, how humanity plays a role in it, and what I can do to remain aware while not judging others who don’t yet see it. Three, that being closed-minded about any aspect of living, or of my life, is now not an option.

I also noted to Graham that The Four Agreements book also influenced me greatly. I believe that Ishmael opened my mind to believing that the world is not made up of only me, and that The Four Agreements (and all other works by Ruiz) laid the groundwork for learning to best communicate with others, begin realizing love in all its forms, and exploring ways to realize who I really am, as a child.

I understand now that the art of letting go will be realized through these explorations.

Published

frekur

on September 14, 2007

in happiness, learning and self-awareness

. 1 Comment

weekend, camping and updates

I went camping alone at Cape Meares this weekend. It rocked.

I started off Saturday morning at the UPS store shipping a box of happiness to the BG. At that point I had no idea where I was going to end up camping because most of the sites I tried to reserve were booked. The dude at UPS actually told me about Cape Meares and printed me a map and directions (what a nice guy!). It was super easy to get to, just outside of Tillamook, and there was no one there save for a few stray walkers along the beach during daylight.

It was just what I needed, apparently, because since then I’ve felt really great. Accomplishing goals do that for me. :)

This week, on Thursday, I’m going to walk over to Habitat for Humanity’s ReStore warehouse (which is just one block from my work building) and talk to a guy named Joe about volunteering on Saturdays. I’m pretty excited about it.

I finished another sizable site at work this week and it’s going to look awesome when it goes live. I didn’t design it, Hilary did, but I did all the page layout in CSS. There were some hurdles I had to jump over to get everything looking right because the original site was done with tables. I had to take apart everything and rearrange some stuff. Anyway, the bosses and Hilary are happy and so am I.

I’ve been riding my bike to and from work for two weeks now and I’m having major pain in my left hip. It’s the same stupid pain I get when I stand in a line for too long, or wash dishes in the same spot without moving, or standing and waiting for the bus… except this is like 20 times worse. I believe my bicycle needs adjustment. My handlebars are low, I have long legs and a short-ish torso. There’s definitely something up, so I’m waiting for a call back from the downtown Bike Gallery. I am making an appointment for a fitting service. It’s $75 and they have a one-year guarantee (I can go back any time and fine tune adjustments as necessary). Hopefully this works and the pain subsides. I bailed on salsa class last night because I could barely walk.

There are a few people I’ve talked to via email that I’m hoping to meet soon; one from CL and two I got connected to through m. They all sound like sweethearts.

And speaking of sweethearts, last night I hung out with Holly and it was great. That girl kicks ass.

I have 8 more days until I see m. We shall re-spark the tewtal awesomeness that I miss so much.

My goal for this weekend is to figure out my Holga, which I got in the mail yesterday. The packaging and stuff that it came with looks pretty sweet. I’m set. I’m not sure if I have enough time to take pics and get them developed before I leave for PA; I’d like to make sure I’m doing this shit right before I take photos when I’m with m. We’ll see.

Teehee!!!

Published

frekur

on August 29, 2007

in bicycling, design, happiness, learning, photography, relationships, travel and volunteer

. 1 Comment