I write about my journey through self-exploration and awareness; doesn’t everyone? Here, though, there are tendencies toward green living, veg*nism, travel, relationships and complaining. :)
We drove down the night before to visit her and then got the call the next morning. I stood with the BG, his grandmother and his brother as his mom died. I felt it was my role to support them, so I that’s what I tried to do.
The funeral was Monday and I cried because of my sadness for the BG and his family. The entire week we stayed in Macon where we began to clean out her house.
I do not know how I will feel or act when I tell one of my parents a last goodbye.
This is what I think about now.
But.
None of that is terribly important. The BG and I are pretty fucking good at devising ideas and making plans. That means all my hard work is for a cause: I’ve been saving every penny so that we will have materials and equipment to build our home in North Georgia.
Georgia? Well, it wouldn’t have been my first pick, but the BG has some family land near Toccoa so that’s where we’re headed. And we have all the freedom to make it what we want, so I’ll be checking off another goal from 43things: Live off the grid.
I moved to Raleigh for several reasons, saving money being one of them. And we don’t live in a 320 sq. foot apartment for the fun of it. $450 a month in rent (all utilities included) sure as hell sounds pretty yummy when you’re trying to save as much as possible.
It’s all we talk about. It’s our dream. :) We’re going to start building a cob house and farm on the family land sometime in 2011*. We’ve got a ton of money saved up already, more than I’ve ever saved for anything. And I can’t explain how excited I am that we’re on a path to something so awesome.
We’ve stocked our library with resources to get us started and we’ll be blogging about our progress every step of the way. :)
*After, of course, our one year trip to who knows where.
The weekend prior to Thanksgiving the BG and I went camping at South Mountains State Park, in the western part of the state. We made it there late and hiked up a seriously big hill which proved just how stiff and out of shape I am. It was pretty chilly the night we were there, but we unzipped the windows in the roof of the tent and snuggled up to watch the moon set. It was awesome. As we hiked out the next day we saw a pretty waterfall. (Pictures coming soon.)
Thanksgiving was really nice. We drove down to Georgia and saw the many family members I’ve had the joy of meeting this year. I absolutely *love* his family… They are all so sweet and so caring, and it’s amazing how everyone has pulled together over concern for his mom (who is still in the hospital).
After returning from Georgia I went to pick up my new bike and rode it home. I had the guys at All-Star Bike Shop put on a rack and lights and am using the BG’s panniers. It rides quite differently than my mountain bike. Obviously I can feel more of what’s going on in the road because there is no suspension, but I also feel that when I pedal I’m moving faster than with the same amount of pedaling on the mountain bike. It just feels more efficient. The gears are really nice too, much better than the grip shifts. I am very happy with it. Last weekend we rode nearly 20 miles on one of the many local greenways and had a fantastic day in the sun at Umstead State park. (Pictures coming soon, I swear.)
On the job front, I interviewed at one more place and the meeting went quite well. It seems as though my experience working (and being comfortable with) adult products actually paid off a bit because they told me it was one reason they wanted to offer me the position. (A small percentage of the work will be adult-oriented.) I received the offer on my birthday, which rocked, and after some negotiations I accepted a few days later. I am taking a pay cut, but it is a telecommuting web design position, which allows me to work remotely and have my internet costs reimbursed, not to mention work on my Mac. They focus on standards compliant site architecture and there’s a possibility for me to be involved in the future development of templates and framework that will allow for more efficient workflows.
All that, *and* I get to share lunchtime with the BG. :)
As far as new friends are concerned, I’ve been spending some of my Wednesday nights with Brandon. He seriously cracks me up. We go to a bar in downtown Raleigh and watch reality TV shows with a bunch of his friends. I find the whole thing hilarious.
I also see Morgan about once a week which is great. I really like this girl, she’s smart, witty and a little bitter (it’s funny). And each time I hang out with her I like her more. She’s got a really interesting history and is a fantastic artist. I saw her house last night and it is sweet. There are huge old-growth trees in her back yard and a hammock! I am not sure she realizes just how often I’ll be subtly making plans to be at her place to settle my ass in that thing. ;)
Over the past few days I have managed to re-center myself. I had been feeling emotionally up and down since I arrived in Raleigh, which is kind of annoying. I assume that not having a job is really the source of the tension I’ve felt, but it’d manifested itself into a lethargic, shiftless state that has gotten me nowhere except feeling crazy. I’ve overanalyzed everything lately and was becoming quite sick of myself. But when the BG left for Uruguay I figured this was a great opportunity to spend some time doing my own thing and getting my head straight. That is exactly what I’ve been doing and I feel much better. :)
I am excited to start my new job, for which I have a staff meeting this Thursday at a coffee shop in RTP. And I’ve signed up for some classes at Wake Tech (Spanish!) in the spring to get me back on track. I also have myself scheduled to volunteer at the ReStore this week (but if I’m not feeling better I might not go). Finally, this coming weekend I am headed up to DC to visit friends (including Jess!).
I am relieved that it’s all beginning to come together. :)
I have a lot to write about and no internet at home. :)
We spent three days in PA visiting with my family, and as soon as we landed in Philadelphia I was missing Portland already. The hot, steamy humidity of the east coast summer was kinda gross. I really never got used to it, anyway. But, I was looking forward to all the things that I would get to expose the BG to: Rita’s Water Ice, Singapore and Horizons.
We ate at Horizons the day we flew in, and it was everything I missed. I think BG was impressed. :) Then we hung out with my family for the weekend and I didn’t really hit that wall that I was so used to hitting. I felt completely fine. I was… *gasp*… relaxed! They liked the BG and I think he liked them, too.
Monday we flew from Philadelphia to Atlanta where I was about to start the grand tour of Georgia. It was hotter, bugs sounded different, the food was foreign and the accents were addictive. Everyone in his family was really sweet, cooking for us with each stop we made. I tried fried okra, creamed corn (which I hated as a kid), collard greens, corn bread, pecan pie and boiled peanuts, just to list off the highlights. Everything was excellent!
We also spent some time in Athens, where I met some of his friends, who were all awesome. (While we were there, BG hit something while driving and pierced the fuel tank on his Stanza. Our week didn’t really change much, besides renting a car to finish it off, but I feel bad that it *still* isn’t fixed and he had planned to be up in NC by now! I just wish I could help him… Ugh.)
Then, up in the North Georgia mountains, we camped on Thursday night where I didn’t sleep much because the bugs sounded so damn weird. Friday we ended the weekend back in suburban Atlanta where I met his brother. The place in which he lived reminded me exactly of Northern Virginia. Cookie cutter homes, traffic, young trees and open areas with new shopping centers. I really really really felt like I was in Virginia. While we were there we drove downtown to shop for CDs and eat at Soul Vegetarian. Tasty! And vegan!
The trip was fun. And for the most part I was very happy, though, there was a sense of sadness and anticipation that stayed with me throughout. I was not looking forward to saying goodbye. But with BG’s surprise style, the goodbye was actually the highlight of my week.
So now I’m hack home. And I am starting out at the same spot as when I moved here, it seems. Over the course of five months, I got into a groove and now… my groove is gone! The only thing to do is fill up my weekends with things to do and see, and people to be with, but also keep focused on why I’m here to begin with.
“What am I doing here again?”
Thrive on my self for a while.
Since I’ve been back, this is what I’ve been up to:
Yoga. Riding my bike to work. (All of a sudden I do not feel like drinking alcohol! Sweet.) Eating better: salads, fruit, veggies and NOT spending money across the street at the coffee shop. Budgeting. Salsa dance class on Tuesday nights that my coworker teaches. Spanish class in September on Mondays. Letting my hair grow. Emotional discipline. Reading, writing (in a journal). And sleeping diagonally. ;)
I also get to see m in three weeks. :)
And I have my Xmas flight booked for the winter break with BG. :) :)
I will take advantage of these 22 months. Not mope. If anything, they should be more rewarding than before I met the BG. Because now, I *truly* get to focus on me… I won’t be putting any energy into dating or flirting. I can do whatever I want to do and care even less what people think. I can focus on friends, activities, the solitude that I find so comforting, and still miss that special person I never thought I’d find.
I love it.
Last Friday, I sold the motorcycle… to someone who hasn’t ridden in fifteen years. It was stressful to watch him leave. I called him the next morning to make sure he made it home safe. The moment he was gone and I was looking at the cash he gave me, I felt a huge sense of financial relief.
This week I’ve paid off debts. Namely, my parents, from whom I borrowed money for the first time. The savings account is also finally showing a balance, and I don’t really feel guilty buying stuff now. Not that I’m being frivolous…
Time is winding down for the BG and I, and I am anxious. I have been paying attention to the hours when he is not around, making sure I feel good… and I do. In fact, I feel really good. Since Holly and Jay have adjusted their schedules, all four of us are now home together on Monday nights, which have turned into dinner/house meetings/general socializing/catching up with each other. I’ve worked on a few small freelance projects here and there and managed to start a garden with all the plants the BG has so awesomely given to me.
I’ve been taking the bus and walking everywhere (goooooo less dependency on oil!) for the past two months and now that I don’t own a vehicle (for the first time in twelve years!) the tension of travel has subsided. I am calm! I am reading books! I never realized how really quite stressful driving a vehicle can be. Earlier this month I blew through Snow Flower and the Secret Fan and I’ve moved on to Jupiter’s Travels… and it is wonderful.
The trip back east, which I’m sure will be a whirlwind, is something I’m really looking forward to. Besides seeing my family, I’ll get to meet the BG’s family and friends, camp in the mountains of Georgia and see Atlanta. I’ve never been… and I’m excited about it. :)
I’ve thought about skipping the AfterhoursDJs Spinoff this year. Although the trip next week will be awesome, I won’t see m and that really kills me. I’d really like to see hug her before Merry F’in Xmas (or sometime around then) because December is really far away!
We’ll see.
But yea. It’s July. The wind is chilly, and things are good.
